Pastor-teacher Don Hargrove

Faith Bible Church

Monday, March 16, 2009




S-SEXUAL REJECTION  (His & Her Sexual Needs)


            The clearest passage in the New Testament setting forth the basic truths for a Christian philosophy on sex and marriage is 1 Cor. 7:2-5.     Let’s begin by noting an expanded translation of the passage,


                        1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of immoralities [due to the temptations associated with the strong nature of the sexual drive], let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife [i.e. regularly meet his wife’s sexual needs], and likewise also the wife to her husband [i.e. regularly meet her husband’s sexual needs]. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body [no autosexualism, self-gratification, masturbation], but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body [no autosexualism, self-gratification, masturbation], but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another [of sexual fulfillment and satisfaction], except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again [to fulfill and satisfy sexual desires] lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control [in sexual sins, i.e. from illicit sexual fantasies to adultery].


A few principles on the above passage.


                1)   Both husband and wife have definite and equal sexual needs that should be met in marriage.   The primitive idea that sex is man’s prerogative and that his wife should submit to him, remaining passive and silent, is not only in violation of known scientific facts about woman’s sexual nature, but is also a violation of the clear teaching of this Bible passage which states in precise language, “The husband should regularly meet his wife’s sexual needs,” 1 Cor 7:3.    The passage is saying that women have a definite need for regular sexual experiences in marriage and it assumes that regular sexual orgasms in sexual experience with her husband are due her, and are necessary to complete the unitive nature marriage.


            2)   It is not the responsibility of the husband to meet his own sexual needs, nor is it the responsibility of the wife to meet her own sexual needs.  It is a cooperative experience.  In this manner, the total needs of both are continually met.


            3)   Sex in marriage is neither dirty nor unspiritual.  Rather, this passage implies that a vibrant Christian life and an efficient sexual adjustment in marriage really go together.  Not only do we have a command from God to satisfy our spouses sexually but we also have the interspersion of the husband and wife’s sex life with their prayer life, 1 Cor 7:5.  Furthermore, we have sexuality described in vivid, erotic and poetic language throughout the Word of God (cf. Song of Solomon 2:3; 4:16; 7:1-9; 8:3; Pro 5:19).  


                        Song of Solomon 2:3 "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, So is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, And his fruit was sweet to my taste.


                                  Song of Solomon 4:16 "Awake, O north wind, And come, wind of the south; Make my garden breathe out fragrance, Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden And eat its choice fruits!"


                        Song of Solomon 7:1-9 "How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince's daughter! The curves of your hips are like jewels, The work of the hands of an artist. 2 "Your navel is like a round goblet Which never lacks mixed wine; Your belly is like a heap of wheat Fenced about with lilies. 3 "Your two breasts are like two fawns, Twins of a gazelle. 4 "Your neck is like a tower of ivory, Your eyes like the pools in Heshbon By the gate of Bath-rabbim; Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon, Which faces toward Damascus. 5 "Your head crowns you like Carmel, And the flowing locks of your head are like purple threads; The king is captivated by your tresses. 6 "How beautiful and how delightful you are, My love, with all your charms! 7 "Your stature is like a palm tree, And your breasts are like its clusters. 8 "I said, 'I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks.' Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, And the fragrance of your breath like apples, 9 And your mouth like the best wine!" "It goes down smoothly for my beloved, Flowing gently through the lips of those who fall asleep.


                                Song of Solomon 8:3 "Let his left hand be under my head, And his right hand embrace me."


                        Proverbs 5:19 As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.


            4)   Sexual intercourse is designed for marriage only.  God promises divine discipline for all sexual activity outside of marriage (regardless of how much one “loves” the other person).  


                        Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the coitus be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.


            Apart from orientation to Bible doctrine concerning sex and marriage, men’s and women’s  ideas on sex and marriage will be corrupted by the various philosophies of this world.    Having a true picture of Bible teaching on the subject enables a couple to enjoy sex as God has designed:  as an enjoyable sensual expression of intimacy, unity, and love.   Apart from orientation to Bible doctrine the believer will default into the world’s view of sex, namely simply an animalistic urge to fulfill lust – which will in turn cause the person to have constant battle with mental attitude sins of lust.  


            Back to the title or subject matter of this DDR.    What about the rejection of the sexual needs of a spouse in marriage?  Why do some spouses reject the sexual needs of their partners only to end up preferring autosexualism as a substitute?   Why do spouses ignore the sexual needs of their partners to only end up gratifying self?  Why do some wives use sex as a bribe?  Why do some husbands view their wives as only sexual objects?   The answer to all of these questions goes back to one’s philosophy of life and failure in the execution spiritual life.  The breakdown of the spiritual life is always a result of ignorance of Bible doctrine, an ignorance that is always displaced by kosmic philosophies of this world that are so easily sucked up into our minds by the old sin nature. 


            The solution is always Bible doctrine and the Holy Spirit.  Only Bible doctrine gives us the clear and true picture of sex in marriage.  It is the Holy Spirit that keeps us out of the sewage of the old sin nature.   With Bible doctrine and the Holy Spirit the believer is able to overcome anything and everything.  We must understand the truth about sex and marriage and we must have the power to live in that truth.   Sex and marriage, like everything else is all about Truth. It is not about our feelings or opinions.  It is about God and His Word.  Believers who make Truth the issue in marriage are always blessed.  Believers who just try to use God to bail them out for the umpteenth time bar themselves from the wonderful blessedness of marriage.  I have never met a believer who put Truth first who did not have a stable and growing blessed life.  All a believer has to do to become a psychological basket case is not make Truth the greatest issue of life.   God’s Truth is always available for those who are willing to build their life on it,


                        Matthew 7:24 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine, and acts upon them, may be compared to a wise man, who built his house upon the rock. 25 "And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock. 26 "And everyone who hears these words of Mine, and does not act upon them, will be like a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand. 27 "And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and it fell, and great was its fall." 28 The result was that when Jesus had finished these words, the multitudes were amazed at His teaching;


                It really is as simply as making Truth the #1 issue in life (hint: it is not about him or her or what he or she did, or this or that circumstance of life, it is ALL about the Word of God).  If you reject Bible doctrine then do not blame God if your life is a mess, and if you make Bible doctrine the issue then your life will not be a mess – guaranteed!   Another guarantee: regardless of the past, God is a God of grace and no matter what we have done in life, He is there to remove all of the garbage in the soul and to rebuild us into the image of the Lord Jesus Christ.   No need to live in guilt or shame!   What a deal!   The only catch is that we have to be willing to put ourselves under the sanctifying power of His Word (Jn 17:17).  This requires putting ourselves under the authority of the Word of God – rather than simply using the Word of God (i.e. putting the Word under our authority).  As long as we are alive there is hope and that hope is found in His Word which is the very mind of God (1 Cor 2:16).  What God wants more than anything else is for us to think like Him – this is His will for our lives (Rom 12:2).  Perhaps the greatest examples of messed up people who became phenomenal heroes in life is found in Hebrews 11 and although they came from different backgrounds (prostitute, cowards, murderers), they all became heroes for one simple reason:  the dared to live out the precepts of the Word of God: they lived out their convictions in the Word of God. 


 Doctrine matters!